Confession
by Spader
Summary: Short ficlets based on quotes from AWM in regards to the finale.  So.. possibly spoilery.  Starring our favourite Dynamic Duo
1. Prologue

This contains possible spoilers, although it's simply a theory.

enjoy.

PROLOGUE

"I can't let you go out running through the streets declaring war without any backup! It's too dangerous!".

Castle had dropped by when Beckett was kicked off the case and on forced leave, they had been arguing.

He knew her well. As of late, she had been on her own running rogue and with Castle following close behind.

Since Lockwood's grand escape, and two officers getting shot and killed it became all too real again.

She had to push everybody away, Ryan and Esposito included. There would've been a whole bevy of laws broken, had she kept them both on her side of the war.

"This was never your fight, Castle!"

"I'm scared, Kate. I'm scared that you're going to get yourself killed pursuing this. We can get those people responsible, just don't do it alone...".

As his voice dropped with the last 5 words that left his lips, it became obvious that those words meant more out of context.

He turned his head away from her, hiding the well of tears filling his eyes.

"Why do you care so much about how I pursue my mother's killer?".

"Because I CARE!... I..."

"WHY...Castle?"

He locked his eyes back into hers, finally facing the truth that has kept him around for the past 2.5 years.

"...I care about you. More than I probably should."

Finally... Confirmation that hit her like a freight train at full speed. In the back of her mind.. She knew, but she had brushed it off.

She looked at the man standing there, standing like he was defeated. He had just admitted to her that he was in love with her.

She stepped closer to him until mere inches separated them both, she took his hand into her own.

He still has yet to acknowledge her, his proclamation has rendered him vulnerable as to what may come next.

"Castle... Look at me."

Her voice became soft, unlike a few moments earlier when he came storming into her loft. He raised his head, and their eyes met.

"It's too dangerous. I don't want you to get hurt, you're not trained in any way...I can't ask you to take a life on my behalf.

I can't let you do this to Alexis, to your mother. You mean too much to me for me to ask to to put yourself in that position."

"Bull. You know I'm just as good of a shot as you are."

The stark sudden silence surfaced again, and this time she knew she had to speak the truth.

"I can't let you...because..."

"Because what, Kate?"

He pushed her, he wanted to hear it.

She heard those words again in her head, those words that Royce had written in the letter to her. 'Putting the job ahead of your heart is a mistake...'.

She wanted so bad to heed those words, but this was a special circumstance.

She knew it was dangerous to let her heart rule, not when she was this close.

"Kate?"

"I need to be alone right now."

She was shutting herself off to him again, just like the time when they were in LA, when she felt her walls crumbling down.

Walking over to her door, she opened it and waited for Castle to leave.

She felt his eyes on him, his confusion, his fear.

He left silently, leaving her to figure things out before she did anything stupid.

This was the risk that she was willing to take, and with the close of the door it felt like she had just lost him then and there.

Her body felt weak from the deluge of emotions flooding her body, he leaned against the door for support.

She couldn't hold back her emotions any longer, as her walls were eroded by the man she just asked to leave.

He stood out on the other side of the door, hearing her cries through the door.

It pained him to experience this. The mystery that was this woman, had captured his heart and he couldn't be there for her.

He turns to leave, but not before he hears her voice whispering

"...Because I love you."


	2. Chapter 2

ALTHOUGH JUST A THEORY THERE ARE POSSIBLE SPOILERS. THIS IS BASED ON AWM'S INTERVIEW ON EW FOR KNOCKOUT.

"I did it Mike... It's over. It's finally over.".

She fell onto her knees in front of his tombstone, wishing he could have been here with her to celebrate this small victory.

Her eyes were soaked with emotion.

She placed the small bundle of lilies at the base of Michael Royce's tombstone, her hand brushing the outline of his name etched into the stone.

"I read that letter over and over... "

That lump in her throat caught the surface, stopping her confession.

"I had to push everyone away in order to get justice, to be honest... I wished I had you by my side. Only you knew who I really was, who I really am."

Her voice broke with regret and the truth really came out in that moment to her, and his final words from her mentor.

'... You're fighting it'

She wasn't just fighting her feelings for Castle, but she was fighting the person she was before her mother was murdered.

That young woman that was forgotten a dozen years earlier.

"Because of my selfishness, I got my Captain killed. Castle is fighting for his life, and more than likely, I've ruined two families."

The tremors in her chest became evident, as she raised her hand to her mouth in a losing attempt to contain the escaping expression of sadness.

"I don't know who I am anymore... I feel like I'm drowning again."


	3. Mending

She finally found what she needed, only to let it slip away.

He had been the only constant in her life, he had done everything beyond what she could have ever asked of anybody.

His commitment was beyond words, beyond feeling.

He was right. She had let her mother's case drag her down into the depths, so far down that she couldn't see the light anymore.

This wasn't the simple celebrity crush, annoying partner that she knew. This had evolved into something more, something that scared her.

Was it worth losing everybody for this?

The job was the only thing she ever knew, and everything that seemed like it was, wasn't.

She recalled her first confrontation with Alexis, it struck her deeply.

"You were supposed to protect him! "

"Alexis..."

"If you hadn't pushed everyone away, my dad wouldn't be hooked up to life support right now."

She looked at this young woman standing before her, elements of the elder Castle radiating through her firey spirit.

She knew that anything she would try to say, wouldn't register beyond her obvious concern for her father.

"Please leave"

She was suddenly left all alone. She has pushed everybody so far away, it seemed apparent now that they might as well strangers now.

"I just wanted to give this to your Father. I'm sorry, Alexis."

With that, she turns to leave.

Just as she pushes the button on the elevator, Martha calls out to her.

"Kate"

Clouded by the conflict swirling in her mind, she nearly misses hearing her name.

"She doesn't hate you."

The Broadway diva that she knew, suddenly became the source of motherly advice that had been missing for so long.

"I know why you did what you did..."

"-Martha"

"I also know why he did what he did"

Martha took her hand into her own, and instilled some valuable advice to her.

"You're probably asking yourself a lot of questions, and I'll tell you that only you can answer them. ".

The elder Rogers gave her a small reassuring smile.

As she enters the elevator, she let's loose the last layer to herself. Her eyes follow her as she disappears into her son's room.

The door closes to the latest chapter in her book

"-Goodbye"


	4. Looking within

The waters crashed upon the bluff with such intensity, the loud 'Crowsh!' brought her back to her surroundings in the

beautiful coastline of Northern California. The sea soaked air was filled with the crisp aroma of seaweed, and she took it in deeply with every breath.

'What am I?' She asked herself, questioning her purpose and her drive. All was lost in that moment when she lost everything,

and everything pointed back to one person.

Castle.

As of late, her feelings for him grew violently passionate. She only realized this fully, by removing herself from the environs of New York, her home.

She shook her head in confusion, realizing that her 'home' was one big lie.

'Castle,

I'm sitting here writing this letter, thinking about everything that has happened. It's hard to put it all together.

I'm not as perfect as you may think, I'm flawed.

It's been so long since I've been normal, and having you around kept a semblance of normalcy. Or at least I thought it was.

I've been in this dark closet for nearly 13 years of my life.

I've never had somebody in my life that was a constant, and you were that constant.

I still don't know this feeling that I have stirring in my heart, the embers that became a roaring fire. What we are, I still can't define.

It confuses me.

I realize my actions were selfish, and I realize I may never get your trust back, but this time I need to be on my own.

I need to remove myself from this cloud of lies hanging above my head.

It hurt me that I did this to you, to Alexis, and to your Mother.

I don't know how long I'll be gone, but know this, I care for you deeply.

Be around for them, cherish them. Time is short.

Please don't try to look for me.

Kate. '


End file.
